The Beginning

People say the phrase, “you will just know” a lot, don’t they? At least I think so, and I believe it. I knew when I found the person I wanted to spend my life with, I knew when I saw my wedding dress that it was THE dress, and my God, I knew the second I decided I wanted a baby. I didn’t wake up to any sort of epiphany. In fact, if you asked me that morning if Mike and I were going to start having kids anytime soon, I would of rolled my eyes at you and said, “not even close, maybe after I’m done celebrating my 30th birthday! There’s gonna be a party… right?!”

I always wanted a family. If you asked my 5 year old self what I wanted to be when I grew up it was either a veterinarian or a mommy. The desire was there, I was just not in a rush. Everyone thought I’d get baby fever once my niece was born… Nope. Don’t get me wrong, she’s the world’s most beautiful baby (I’m not biased, she really is!) but when she would start crying, I would get the sweats! She was my personal dose of birth control.

I wanted to travel more. Everyone makes you think you’ll never do anything ever again once you have a kid. I believed it. I wanted to enjoy my marriage longer. For 4 1/2 years Mike and I were in a long distance relationship. I was finally home to enjoy our life together with no time restraints or interruptions. People kept telling me to take my time, telling me there was no rush, reminding me of my age. (To those people: GRRR) There were plenty of reasons for why the time was not right for us, but it was that simple word, ‘time’ that changed everything for me.

We were out to dinner celebrating Michael’s Grandmother’s birthday. She was turning 92! I snuck some candles to the waitress and asked her to come out with something chocolate and delicious, so we could all sing Happy Birthday to Grandmom Rita. Everything went to plan. Rita sat at the end of the table, and before she blew out her candles, she made a wish, but not before looking up and pointing at me. One shot of air later and the candles were blown out. Everyone started to clap. Everyone, but me. I was numb. I was overwhelmed with SO much emotion. In all seriousness, Grandmom Rita most likely stared me down and pointed at me because she knew I was the one that coordinated the surprise dessert, but that didn’t stop what was really stirring up inside of me. That didn’t stop the internal clock from starting to tick, VERY loudly.

There is never going to be a good time to have a child. There will always be a reason to wait, but truthfully… No one is getting any younger, and there are just some people I want in our children(s) lives.

We said our goodbyes, got in the car, buckled our seatbelts and turned out of the parking lot. Then came the tears. I was sobbing. I looked over at Michael, who was VERY confused, and cried out, “I want a baby!” His face softened, then came that cute smirk of his, followed by the most perfect response… “It’s about time.”